What’s Cookin’ ?

That Mary Berry Eh?

What about her?

She must be a brilliant Songwriter.

How do you work that out?

S’obvious innit?

If it isn’t obvious (innit), then Be Welcome, Gentle Reader and read on…

Ms. Berry may, or may or not be a wonderful songwright.

But she should be.

On the very rare occasions I’ve clapped eyes on her, she seems to be that sort of Nana that sits silently in the corner at Christmas, smiling at all about her, while getting quietly hammered before teatime.

But at songwriting – phew, what a scorcher.

I imagine.

She knows the importance of all the best quality ingredients.

A good story, a great melody, some interesting chords[1].

Then some super lyrics to spice it up nicely, and if it’s that sort of cake, sorry – song, then a cleverly constructed chorus that is easy to pick and join in with.

Then decorate with some fancily piped flute parps, a flourish of lead guitar[2] and possibly even some keyboard (only on the Delicatessen version), and then, the most important bit of all; how long to shove it in the oven.

In our case songs can be in the oven for months. We keep getting them out and sniffing them, poking them to see if they’re done in the middle or if they’re still a bit runny. Then they go back in the oven, for a while longer, while we stare at them through the glass wondering if it’s time for another sniff.

We have at this point in time, four or five in the bakery[3]. Two are cooling on the racks, although one has yet to be decorated. The others are sitting in bowls, with various ingredients scattered about them, they’ll get stirred from time to time.

The two that are finished taste great, as for the others, well they might be in the oven for weeks.

Please don’t give Mary another sherry.

Interestingly, or at least it is to me, that when we were sorting out a songwriting workshop we’d been asked to do, I discovered that my iPad is an essential songwriting tool. It’s good for notes for lyrics, pictures of ideas, but the best use is the video. When I get a good sequence or song part, Carol videos it and it goes into the ‘Possibly Quite Useful archive’. This is possibly quite useful.

This week gone was busy again, we don’t seem to have stopped playing at FG. We even went to a Council meeting masquerading as well known local Musicians, Fool’s Gold.

We had to speak through the chair.

Now; I know it’s an old joke so…

…you can finish it yourselves I’m sure[4].

A couple of care home shows (three or four, can’t remember) with some near riotous scenes, rather lovely. Then a ‘Waters of Tyme’ show for the good Burghers of Birtley. A packed room, 60 or so, I suppose, and we went for it just a bit. Thankfully, so did they, and a grand night ensued. No Wrinkly Wroadies so no photographic evidence, but, assuredly, it was good.

They were in attendance the other Sunday when we sallied forth to The Monkey. The reason for inflicting ourselves on the place was the need to do Bevin Boys out somewhere to help bed it in. Apart from the impossibly complicated Middle Eight, it was fine, and should be a feature song in next years’ shows.

So there are some pics from The Monkey and feature Mrs. Wrinkly’s new camera, which has and anti shake mechanism which you can calibrate. It has three settings: ‘One Bottle’, ‘Two Bottles’ and ‘Forget it’.

We read with mixed emotion the travails of acoustic chums jiva, and naturally wish them well and the very best that fortune can spare them. However, in the spirit of reminding ourselves of the fun that the Tinklemeisters brought to their performances, I have uncovered (probably) a long lost (perhaps) jiva anthem (maybe) that they might possibly not have actually performed.

It sums it up I think:

Now we’re here so think ahead,
Put something purple one your head,
Next, it’s black to clad your bum.
Then with a twinkle of the heart,
It’s time for us to start,
To tinkle down the road that we are led;
To the chooooorus…

Oh jiiiivaaaahh
We’ll tinkle through the verse and middle eight,
Pickin’ mighty fast,
Then drop to G (that’s great)
Til’ with a final chorus we will leave ya…

(Although this may not have been entirely written by Val and The Jimster, we wish them well).

And so as The Chef of Fate visits the Oven of Destiny to find that the song is still cooking but the lyric sheet is burned beyond recognition, I notice one more, it is the end of this blog.

Until next time, Acoustic Chums,

Keep Strummin’

[1] My latest song basically uses G, A7 and D. I was gutted. Sounds good though.

[2] An essential ingredient, I think you’ll find…

[3] One is about The Great Wall of China. It’s quite long. (Thank you, thank you, I’m here all week)

[4] No, not that version. Honestly, you’re a disgrace.


3 thoughts on “What’s Cookin’ ?

  1. Brilliant ! I love reading this stuff . But I don’t accept the lack of photographic evidence excuse . I think you need a note from someone in authority . Just saying lol xxxx

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