It get on your nerves…

No, you didn’t.

Miss the blog I mean.

You didn’t miss it, because there wasn’t one.

For the first time in several years the Fool’s Gold blog was not published.

Not only was it not published, it wasn’t even written.

It wasn’t written not because I was on my holiday sunning it up  on some exotic beach far away. No, thoughts of sun, sangria and the other one were far from my imaginings.

Why? I hear you ask.

The reason is very simple.

Be welcome, Gentle Reader, and read on…

This week I have discovered that there are several important connections between a chiropractor and a skinhead.

For instance:

1. A chiropractor and a skinhead carry out very much the same function. Both will beat you up happily, perhaps the skinhead might smile more.

2. A skinhead is much much cheaper than a chiropractor.

From this you may gather, that I have been merrily beaten up on several occasions during this last week. The reason for this violence carried out upon my person, is that I have, apparently, got a trapped nerve. The trapped nerve is in my neck and causes a certain amount of what the medical profession refer to as abject agony. This has meant that it has been impossible for me to type, play guitar, or produce a sentence without some inventive and entertaining profanity. This situation manifested itself in Essex on the way to the Bewl water festival.

We never made it to the festival, however we did have an unscheduled visit to my nephew who, happily is a chiropractor and a very nice man.

The journey back from Essex was, you will be interested to know, extremely painful. Journeying in a car I have discovered is the very best way to aggravate a trapped nerve. It would be very entertaining for you all to see me squirm about in the front seat in an effort to see if I can detach my right arm. You may be interested to know that the medical types do not call a trapped nerve a trapped nerve. There is a much more impressive and lateralised title for the condition. Apparently , it means one has a trapped nerve.

So we have been somewhat restricted in our Fool’s Gold activities this week. We have managed to fulfil all of our bookings however; if you look closely, you might have noticed that your favourite axe slinger was pulling even more strange faces than usual. We did have to cancel two bookings, one very sadly was the Bewl water festival itself.

Playing has been a special form of torture for the last week, but we have still done it. There is quite a bit of musical information to impart into your eager and upturned lug holes. One of these nuggets of information, interestingly enough, is that speech recognition software does not like the expression ‘lug holes’.

You might expect that this blog will contain the usual moaning about venues and other aspects of the acoustic music world. As I hate to disappoint you, I might as well kick off. We have had some really good bookings in some very unusual places recently, and have worked with some very interesting people. We have played in the tower of a mediaeval castle surrounded by talking automata. These automata felt obliged to join in with every chorus even though they did not know the words and were therefore only able to use the words they already knew. We have played in some lovely rooms in venues which are not used to acoustic music. We have worked with promoters who have some very interesting ideas when it comes to promotion and how to save money. One good way to save money on the noble art of promotion is not to do any, this is very very cheap, and very very good at not letting people know what the hell is going on. Of course, I would not wish to sound bitter: after all I’m only half way through.

We played a really nice venue recently where the promoter had decided to book two musical acts. This was excellent in theory, but we discovered that if both acts are on at the same time, and one of them is free and one of them is expensive, one of them will suffer. Guess which one we were.

However, our tails remain up, we are still booking strongly, which is nice. We are still writing heavily, which is very nice. This week has seen work advance well on three – Count em – New songs. We are making good progress musically too. At least, we think so.

There is only one way for you to find out, and it would be very see an acoustic chum or two at a show soon.

And so, as nurse Carol gets ready to administer the next massage by sticking her hands in the freezer for an hour – payback for all the cooking jokes – I see that the dictation count of fate nears the melting point of destiny and it is the end of the first speech recognition blog.

And I think you will agree it has knit bin bat.

Until next time, acoustic drums

Keep strummin’

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