We’ve all seen it…

We’ve all seen it.

The act arrives on stage at last. Though they may be a headline national ‘name’ or a local first time unknowner, this bit of the performance is often the same.

Said body arrives, sits, avoids eye contact and mumbles something incomprehensible and starts to fumble with – his/her/who cares – guitar. This will involve the tuning song – several times. Strap re-arrangement often figures large and the choreography is completed with seat movement, underpant re-alignment and, if you are really lucky, a quick nasal rummage.

This can take quite a bit of time, but ten minutes?

Surely this act is unfit for purpose?


You may be relieved; Gentle Reader to learn that I am not going to name this act; largely because I hope – he/she/who cares  – does not exist. At least not the ten minute version, plenty of slightly shorter ones do, but not the whole ten minute shebang. In fact I use the hapless performer as a reference comparison to a tool that we all use a lot these days.

Email, the net even the much vilified but widely browsed Facebook are all necessary tools of the trade these days and so to access them at least occasionally, the happy muso will turn to a computer. Mobile phones and tablets are all very well but some, more detailed jobs, require the real deal so on goes the computer – usually a PC.

At this point the analogy should I hope begin to become clear.

The PC will whirr, click, clunk, but mostly in silence will do the silicon version of the pre-gig performance outlined above. My laptop, a highly specced Samsung booted this morning and took fully ten minutes to present itself ready for work. In fact I booted up the mac while waiting and concocted this lot during the interregnum.


It occurs to me, we could all return our PC’s to nice Mr Gates and ask for our money back on the grounds that we have been sold a piece of expensive useless junk not fit for the purpose for which it was booked.

I wouldn’t care but when it did start, it was out of tune.


Until next time, Acoustic Chums,

Keep Strummin’




1 thought on “We’ve all seen it…

  1. I know who this act is – I’ve seen him/her/them many a time around the local North Tyneside “Folk Circuit” and even a little further afield at a certain annual event in the depths of Northumberland. This does not happen just at the end of a session but also at the start or in the middle! It can be most frustrating when knowing time is running out and you look at your watch tying to work out if, in fact, you/we/I will actually get “another shot” or the sands of time will all rapidly disappear down the flaming tube and you head home feeling somewhat disgruntled but are too “well mannered” to take him/her/them to task However I do know someone who runs clubs in this vicinity who is not averse to telling him/her/them to “come on – get on with it”
    whatever it may happen to be!
    Buy me a drink the next time you see me and I’ll whisper said names in your ear(s) ♫♪♪ ♫♫

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