Musical Loft Insulation

Loft insulation, building societies, double glazing, kitchen replacements, home loans, legal services and of course famously; viruses on your computer.

All of the above are apparently worth setting up a cold calling telephone advertising system presumably to generate business. That got me thinking[1]

 

“Hello, is that Mrs Cannyperson? Oh good,  I’m sorry to disturb you; my name is Steve of Fool’s Gold – Acoustic Musicians; we’re having a promotion in your area, and I thought I’d give you a ring to make sure you are aware of us…

…No, No, not at all, we aren’t trying to sell you anything, just make sure that you get the acoustic music you’re entitled too… yes that’s right, it’s like a government grant. Do you think you have any need for Acoustic Musicians? I see, well, we could come round and take away your old worn out musicians, and install a whole new Acoustic Duo for you if you like? No, there’s no obligation and there is a ten day cooling off period; if you don’t like the band at the end of that time, you can return it for a full refund.”

Be welcome Gentle Reader, and Read on.

 

This week Fool’s Gold will be:

Sunday 16th September – South Shields Folk Club

Tuesday 18th September – Croxdale Folk Club

Thursday 20th September – The Cutty Wren Folk Club

 

Our week began with us and a brace of wrinkly wroadies at The Monkey on the North East coast. It was a nice evening as ever, Keith on fine form as MC and a new Gentle Reader for us to meet. Stuart had read the blog and downloaded the DiNgle (our new song for PC) and had drifted along to see us, as it were, in the wood. Nice to meet you Stuart, hope you enjoyed the evening. Stuart gave some useful feedback on the DiNgle download, and it is still available for download here, if you haven’t yet grabbed your copy.

The rest of the week is writing and recording, we hope to pick up the pace with that, and mayhap more DiNgles to come!

That is, until Saturday when we headed for The White Bear in Masham to support a fundraiser organised by Mic and Susie Darling in Aid of the Yorkshire Air Ambulance. Good cause, think we, so off we go. It was a very pleasant day indeed; lots and lots of Acoustic Chums and Gentle readers, great to chat to folks, sunshine, beer, music –ahhh! The photos make a better record than words, but suffice to say that we spent a lovely day, in grand company and enjoyed playing a half hour set. Well done to Mr Arrowsmith on the sound too, never easy to get a good noise outside, but it worked. We slipped off early in order to get back, as we want to be very well prepared for our Beat the Drum in South Shields on Sunday, but for that report, Gentle Reader, you will have to wait…

I wonder if there is a retail outlet somewhere called ‘Folkie Outfitters Inc’. It should be on one of those out of town industrial estates where they have ‘outlets’. Some of them must be quite close to outlets as they seem to be full of —-, but our shop, Gentle Reader, would be full of top quality gear. The waistcoat section alone would be as big as a football pitch, with special sections for leather, pre-stained and silly colours. The piped music would be a cause of frequent fighting, but peace would reign in the moleskin trouser department, where folkies with comfortably confined gentlemans’ indispensables could be observed simply sitting and smiling. Bandanas, badges, and brogues; half moon spectacles and skimpy, floaty, girly tops in sizes measured in acres – but with a reinforced understructure to combat that which gravity would haul earthwards, would jostle for shelf space with dog eared copies of the folk roundabout – which is admittedly difficult to wear is still much valued. Fob watches, stick on pony tails, granddad shirts, pre-stained t-shirts featuring dates in the 60’s – what a place! There could be a booth at the back of the emporium were ladies and gentlefolkies could get hairstyles that might have suited them twenty years ago[2]. If anyone out there is searching for a business opportunity, I commend this as an excellent way of losing your life savings.

 

Somewhere along the evolutionary trail that leads from the primordial swamp, through single cell life systems and eventually to Italians, there lies a twisted and distorted gene, one that drives those who possess it in the twisted spirallness of their DNA to believe that playing the mouth organ with the guitar is a Good Idea. This is the musical equivalent of rubbing your tummy and patting someone else’s head, but usually is less entertaining. The aim is usually to deliver an approximation of a Dylan song. The Burb Dylan emulators have a nasty habit of trying to sound like Dylan.

And sadly, many succeed.

 

There is little to be gained by tapping on, so I feel this is a good juncture at which to draw this episode of Acoustic Silliness to a well deserved close. So, as the Festival Season judders to a halt and the Welly Boot farms close for the year, and the festival bars half heartledly wash the plastic glasses and dream of the £8 pint for next year, I see that it is the end of this blog.

Until next time Acoustic Chums,

Keep Strummin’


[1] Unlikely, I know…

[2] I would not mind one of those, thank you.

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